I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
