does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
