Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Floor bacon is actually really good
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
