Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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