How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
