I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
