Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
