Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
