im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize