I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
