After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
