Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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