Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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