i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
