I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
