i just wanna soil my oats bro
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
