She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you never un-have a 4some
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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