Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
