there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
