his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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