Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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