sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
