i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize