Girls should come with a carfax report
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize