I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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