Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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