I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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