She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
