Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
