Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
