FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
