went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
