Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
