you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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