it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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