Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
