you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
