VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
