I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
