My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
