First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
