those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Actions speak louder than pants.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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