Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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