Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
