The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
