have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
