Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
