just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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