I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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