i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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