I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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