I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
