I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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