So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's like heaven, but drunker
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
