got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
