Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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