its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
