My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
