guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
