So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do herpes really smell.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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