he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
