Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize