You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The best revenge is premature balding
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
