Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
