I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
