I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
