I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We have started to decorate penises.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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