im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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