sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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