This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
