If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
