Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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