the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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