I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
