its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize