I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
