im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
