I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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