Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
