I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
