Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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