Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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