i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
