Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
