every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
