So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
