I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
