I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
