i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
