FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize