therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
