I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
