Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
