u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
