We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
