It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
